I'm Not Sorry
by Clara Barton
Summary: A chance encounter. For ChemicalCrush


A/N: For Chemicalcrush, who wanted some angsty but with a touch of fluff 1x2 inspired by a photo on tumblr.

A/N 2: Wanted to just… wade into the Halloween season with this.

A/N 3: As always, thank you so so SO much Ro for beta reading and your friendship.

A/N 4: And, lastly, this is something I've wanted to try to write for a while now, it's inspired by the band Stars song "Your Ex-Lover is Dead".

Warnings: angst, language, sex

Pairings: 1x2, 4x5, 3xR

 _I'm Not Sorry_

"Maxwell, if you back out on me I will make sure that you are assigned to the Prom Supervision Committee."

Duo, who had managed to walk through the door of his apartment and had literally _just_ dropped his bag by the door when Wufei called, sighed and switched the phone to his other ear so he could close and lock his front door.

"Fei, come on. It's eight o'clock and I _just_ got home - I was at school until half an hour ago tutoring kids on their-"

"You're the idiot who begged to teach AP European History. This is what you get."

Duo rolled his eyes. Wufei's bitterness - _he_ hadn't wanted to teach European History but, because of scheduling conflicts, with Duo being assigned to teach it, Wufei had been stuck teaching regular, Honors _and_ AP US History - was easy to pick up on.

"How _are_ you liking those papers on the Confederacy and the Civil War?" Duo asked, smirking when Wufei started to mutter.

"The _point_ of my call," Wufei pulled himself out of his dark thoughts while Duo walked into the kitchen where Scythe, the one-eared stray black cat Duo had adopted, waiting for him on the counter, "was to remind you that you _promised_ to come to Quatre's party tonight, and if you _don't_ show up I'm going to be alone for five hours with a bunch of corporate lawyers and _bankers_ and-"

"And if you're left alone with them all of your not-so-buried anarchist tendencies will come to the surface and you'll call all of your boyfriend's buddies capitalist warmongers and end up getting sued or something," Duo finished for him.

Wufei was silent, and Duo just let him stew on that for a minute while he fed and then petted Scythe.

She didn't meow much - only when very upset - but as soon as Duo started to rub her back, she started to purr, loud as a sub-woofer, and Duo smirked at the loud sound coming from such a diminutive creature.

"Yes," Wufei finally sighed. "Yes, I sold out and fell in love with American royalty, and you can _stop_ rubbing it in any day now."

"I _could_ ," Duo agreed, as he left Scythe to her enjoy her meal and walked into the living room. He fell back onto his battered, beloved Ikea couch and closed his eyes. Even so, he could still see the words of his student's essays, circled and underlined and practically dripping with red from his edits.

"Duo. Two hours."

Wufei was bargaining - which meant he really _was_ desperate.

Duo sighed.

"One," Wufei said, his tone firm. "One hour. _And_ I will pay for your cab so you can get disgustingly drunk."

Duo snorted. "You're forgetting that I'm taking the debate team to the rally in the morning."

"Then you can get _pleasantly_ drunk and enjoy the free ride home instead of freezing your ass off during the walk."

Duo groaned and rolled onto his side, the soft, worn cushions cradling his body, and he was _so_ comfortable after _such_ a long day.

"Duo."

"Hm?" He wasn't even hungry; he really could, if given just a few more minutes of silence, fall asleep right here - with his shoes on and everything.

" _Duo!_ "

"Fucking hell. Fine. I'll come to your stupid party," Duo grumbled, and sat up.

"It's Quatre's stupid party," Wufei reminded him. "And don't forget your costume."

"My- Wufei, you _never_ said anything about a-"

But Wufei had already ended the call.

-o-

"So what are you again?"

Duo sighed, and took a long, soothing sip of the beer in his hand. It was something bizarre and ridiculous - some kind of thyme and ginger microbrew that Trowa and Relena, Quatre's best friends and one of only two heterosexual couples at the party, had made and brought over.

It wasn't _bad_ , but it wasn't necessarily a pair of flavors he would have imagined going together in a _beer_.

Quatre, who was making the rounds as the perfect host that he was, stood patiently waiting for Duo to explain his Halloween costume.

"I'm a priest," Duo finally said.

Quatre raised an eyebrow, looking over Duo's black dress shirt, buttoned up over a white turtleneck, and his black pants.

"Are those jodhpurs?" Quatre finally asked, his lips twitching in amusement.

Duo rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I dunno, they seemed Catholic or whatever."

Quatre lifted two fingers to his lips, clearly trying to stifle a laugh.

"Hm," was all he said.

Duo snorted. "Look, I didn't really have a lot of options, and-"

"I'm just curious about why you even had jodhpurs to begin with. I didn't know you rode."

"I don't," Duo said.

Quatre nodded, as if Duo's words explained everything.

"Goodwill - back when I was in college. I-"

"I think they look great," Quatre assured him, nodding in approval as a calculating look came into his pale blue eyes.

 _That_ look had Duo narrowing his own.

"What?" he demanded, having been on the receiving end of that look _way_ too many times in the seven months that Wufei and Quatre had been dating.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing. There was just someone I wanted you to meet…" Quatre trailed off as he looked around his crowded living room. After a moment, his eyes brightened, and he smiled. "There. Let's go meet him."

"Quatre - please tell me you are _not_ trying to set me up with another one of your hedge fund buddies." Duo had been subject to no fewer than _twelve_ set-ups in those same seven months. And while only two of them had been truly disastrous, the rest had run the gamut from irritating to boring.

"No, he's not a hedge fund manager. He actually works for an NGO that provides clean water to disaster sites."

"Oh. Uh, who-"

"Heero, this is Duo. Duo, this is Heero."

Quatre stood between the two of them, a happy smile on his face, as Heero and Duo stared at each other in shock.

The silence stretched between them, long enough for Quatre's smile to tilt and then fade.

"Duo?" he prompted.

"Uh… I think we've met before," Duo managed to say, his brain painfully blank.

Heero nodded slowly.

"Yes," he agreed, his voice a low, rough growl that was _so so_ familiar.

Duo had to swallow hard, had to fight back a lump and all kinds of words and feelings.

"Oh… I had no idea. I, well, Heero is a friend of Trowa's, and I just thought the two of you might really hit it off and-"

Duo had to laugh, and a moment later, Heero's lips twitched in amusement.

Scratching at the back of his neck, Duo had to shake his head.

"Well, you're not _wrong_ , Quatre."

The blond looked between them, even more confused.

"We used to date," Heero filled him in. "Three years ago."

Quatre's eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open.

"Oh. _Oh_. So you two broke up."

Heero and Duo shared a look - a look that cut deep into Duo.

"Yeah, we broke up," Duo agreed.

"I am _so_ sorry. Uh," Quatre looked around, his expression that of a drowning man searching for a liferaft. "Maybe Wufei can show Duo the-"

"Quat, it's okay. I…" Duo swallowed hard. "I wouldn't mind catching up with Heero, actually."

Quatre looked between them again, waiting until Heero nodded in agreement before he minutely relaxed.

"If you're sure…?"

Duo nodded. "Yeah. I haven't drunk myself into oblivion over Heero in years. We'll be fine."

His joke fell flat, both Quatre and Heero giving him searching looks, and Duo sighed.

"Seriously, Quatre, go mingle with your banker friends. We'll be fine."

Slowly, taking one step at a time and his attention still focused on them, Quatre eased away.

Once he was gone, and after _several_ deep sips of his beer, Duo looked back at Heero.

He looked good.

Not that he had ever looked _bad_ , but he looked… comfortable. Happy. Better.

Duo wondered how _he_ looked to Heero.

It was surprisingly easy to just look at Heero, to notice that the fall of his bangs over his eyebrows was the same - _just_ past the length that meant he needed a haircut - to watch him fiddle with the label on his beer - pumpkin and orange, the _other_ blend Relena and Trowa had foisted off on the party, to see the glint of his father's watch on his wrist, peeking out under the sleeve of his suit jacket.

"Nice costume," Duo said, wondering how the hell Heero's navy suit was supposed to be a _costume_.

Heero arched an eyebrow, looking over Duo's frantic attempt and then conceding the point with a shrug.

"I was working late."

Duo nodded. _That_ sounded familiar.

"Quatre said you worked for an NGO?"

Heero nodded. "I left the UN two years ago. Two and a half."

"I'm glad," Duo said, remembering all of their fights over Heero's work - all of the times Heero came home late and exhausted and convinced he was stuck in a job that was just him fighting for changes that would never happen.

"So am I," Heero said. "You were right, about work."

It would have been nice to hear those words three years ago, and since Duo couldn't think of a reply that wasn't at least _mildly_ passive-aggressive, he took another sip of his beer.

"How do you and Quatre know each other?" Heero asked after another prolonged silence.

"He and Wufei are dating. You?"

"I'm not dating anyone."

Duo felt his lips twitch.

"No, how do you know Quatre?"

"Oh. He and Trowa are best friends."

"And how do you know Trowa?" Duo had to ask. _He_ had only met Trowa and Relena last month, when Wufei cooked dinner for Quatre's birthday and the couple had been invited along with Quatre's favorite sister, Iria.

"We met at the gym."

Duo nodded, and silently congratulated himself for not saying anything in response to that.

The gym.

Duo liked to run, but he didn't like to work out - not in a gym - and it had been a source of contention between Heero and him. Not at the beginning, but at the end, when Heero and his gym buddy, Zechs, had started to spend so much time together outside of the gym.

It was _almost_ ironic that Trowa and Heero had met at the gym, considering how amazingly straight Trowa was.

"And you?" Heero asked.

"I still hate the gym."

It was Heero's turn to be amused at a misunderstanding.

"How are you these days?" Heero clarified.

"Oh. I'm good. Still at ELRO with Wufei."

"Seeing anyone?"

"No."

They shared a look, a look full of the past and all of the things that had pulled them together and then pushed them apart.

-o-

"You moved."

It was the only thing Duo could think of to say, as Heero led Duo past a doorman and into the elevator of a midtown highrise.

"I did," Heero agreed, a slight smirk on his lips. That confident, arrogant smirk that Heero always wore when he knew that Duo was horny and that _he_ had the upper hand.

Duo shoved his hands into his pockets - he'd kept them there for the entire cab ride, and maybe it was stupid, to be proud of himself for being able to keep his hands to himself considering the fact that the entire point of him being _near_ Heero was to fuck him, but all the same, Duo was proud that he hadn't reached out, hadn't given in.

Not yet, anyway.

The apartment that Heero ushered Duo into was so very Heero it was funny.

The same battered leather armchair, the same ugly and _painful as fuck_ coffee table that stood at the perfect height to stab into Duo's shins in the dark. Floor to ceiling bookshelves on multiple walls. Hardwood floors. And everything so clean it was practically glowing.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Heero asked as he dropped his keys onto the marble top of the kitchen counter.

Duo shook his head.

"No. I'm okay." He walked over towards one of the bookshelves.

They had met at a bookstore, five years ago, and whatever differences they had, a love for books had always been something they shared.

A lot of the titles were new, either books Heero hadn't had when they were together or books that hadn't been out yet. But there were also all of Heero's old favorites, books that they had shared - books that Duo had left at Heero's place when they ended things and Duo hadn't been able to bring himself to replace afterwards.

He reached out and brushed his fingers over the spine of _Catch-22_. He had bought it for Heero, had been so shocked that Heero had never read it before that he had dragged Heero to the library and made him check it out and read it that night. He had bought a copy for Heero after seeing him re-read it three times.

"Read anything good lately?" Heero asked, close enough that Duo felt the hot puff of his words against the shell of his ear.

Duo shivered.

It was the same line Heero had used that day five years ago.

"Kim Stanley Robinson's new book. It was depressing as hell."

Five years ago, Duo had given a flip answer, had flirted and worked his ass off to charm the handsome stranger.

Tonight… hell. They both already knew where this was headed.

"I wondered what you thought of it," Heero said.

Duo turned his head, just enough to look over his shoulder at Heero, and the other man stepped closer, leaned forward and brushed his lips against Duo's in a careful invitation.

"Come to bed with me."

Duo followed him into the bedroom, shaking his head at the freshly-made bed - Heero had always been mentally and physically incapable of leaving a bed unmade.

"Ro, I'm not- We ended things. I don't want to start all of this over again."

Heero held out his hand, waiting until Duo took it before he stepped close, before he pulled Duo's body to his.

"Me either."

-o-

Heero still liked to cuddle.

That had been one of the many things about him that had surprised Duo.

The first time - two weeks after they had started going out, after six dates and _several_ misdemeanor-worthy incidents of public indecency - Duo had allowed Heero to hold him for all of ten minutes before he had muttered some excuse about needing to get home to feed his cat and had fled.

It had taken months before Duo could relax in Heero's embrace, had taken more than a year before Duo actually sought it out.

And now, more than three years after the last time they had done this, it still felt so incredibly natural for Duo to lay his head on Heero's naked chest and listen to the slow, steady drum of his heartbeat.

Heero wrapped an arm around Duo's back, catching the tail of his braid in one hand and rubbing his fingers against the soft strands of hair.

The sex had been good.

It was almost as if three years hadn't passed, almost as if it had just been yesterday when Duo had last been filled with Heero's cock, had last felt Heero's teasing tongue on his own cock, had last heard Heero cry out his name in ecstasy.

"Wufei and I dated."

Duo wasn't sure why he said it, why he felt the need to break the strange spell that had made this night happen.

Heero's hand stilled.

"When?"

"A few months after we broke up. It… We're better off as friends."

"I'm sorry." Heero sounded as though he genuinely was, and that left Duo feeling both frustrated and sympathetic.

Heero had always thought, had always feared anyway, that Duo and his college boyfriend, Wufei, would end up back together.

"I slept with Zechs. Once. A week after we broke up."

"How was it?"

Heero snorted, and his hand started to move over Duo's hair and his back again.

"Awful. Really, _really_ awful."

Duo smiled, despite himself, despite all of the tension that the mere existence of Zechs had caused for them.

"I'm sorry," he said, trying for Heero's tone but failing.

"No, you aren't."

"No, I'm not," he agreed, and had to laugh. Heero chuckled, and angled his head to press a kiss to Duo's forehead.

How many times, Duo wondered, had Heero done that in the two years they had been together?

"I want you to be happy," Duo said, trying to defend himself.

"I know." Heero kissed his forehead again. "I want you to be happy too."

Duo shifted, lifting his head and meeting Heero's eyes.

"I wish…" Duo trailed off. "I'm not sorry I met you."

"But you're not sorry it's over."

"No, I'm not."

Heero kissed him again, on the lips this time, and it felt like the goodbye they hadn't had before.

-o-

The End


End file.
